Someone is always watching!

I know babykins, there is nothing out there but wall to wall Michael Jackson media coverage so I thought I’d give you a break from it all and rag on about Jon & Kate for awhile. Just thinking of the logistics of these two divorcing is a total nightmare. Can you see them dating? Once any prospective partner finds out they have eight children and in Jon’s case a harpy for an ex-wife, all bets are off. No one in their sane mind would take on the responsibility of caring for eight children because from what I’ve read neither one of them are too keen on being a full time parent. If they divorce the show will tank and TLC will pull the plug, which it should anyway, this circus has already folded and they’ve created a monster in Kate who thinks she’s the shiz by all accounts. Jon just wants to escape and both will be looking for someone to pick up the slack. When the money dries up and the offers stop coming in, which has begun, what will they do? If they are single they will each be looking for a sugar daddy/momma to restore them to their former status. The issue with that is you will be the one looking after the eight kids. You seriously don’t think Jon or Kate will do it, do you? NO, but Kate can be depended upon to whoop their asses in public if needed! This may be one of the reasons Jon wants out so desperately, she has slapped him real hard several times on the show. Off the air? Maybe he’s had his ass whooped too? Who knows!

As I said, anyone taking these two seriously will be in for a world of hurt, you will be spending your days cooking, cleaning, doing mountains of laundry, organizing activites, and in general being a slave to eight children and one adult as they spend your money. If you are broke, you need not apply. Neither one of these two will actually hold a real job and help with the bills. Even when they get to the status of Tonya Harding they will still think they are too famous for a job. Jon & Kate have become so used to others paying their way that they are insulted if they are handed a bill at McDonalds. Rednecks are everywhere!

So if you are in the market for eight step-children and a fat-lazy-ass husband, or eight step-children and a bitchy-whoop-your-ass wife then stand by Jon & Kate Gosselin may be your ticket to happiness. But in a few years from now when your millions are gone, you’re aged beyond your years worn out from housework, and have been discarded for a newer model…… don’t say I didn’t warn you!

If you have been following Kelly & Bethenny drama on The Real Housewives of NYC than you know they are definitely not the best of friends. In fact, these two hate one another, well Bethenny hates Kelly. And she is entitled to. Any grown woman who tells another one to “hush hush, you give me a headache!” as Kelly does every time Bethenny tries to talk to her is damn lucky she has not been jacked slapped by now. Bethenny has some big time self control. Something Kelly sadly lacks since she has been charged with assault against her former fiance. The operative word here is FORMER!! Wisely her dumped her ass. Anyone with half a brain can tell this chick is either brain-dead, retarded, or high most of the time. There simply no explanation for her behavior. She is socially clueless. Kelly shows up hours late for her own Halloween party and her explanation is “I have children to take Trick O’Treating“. Well, simple solution, set your party time for later in the evening so your guest won’t have to stand around for hours waiting on you to appear. Oh wait, they didn’t, they left!!! And she had the balls to act surprised. Adding insult to injury she also had a Cash Bar at the party! Her guest had to pay for their drinks! Tacky Tacky Tacky!

She calls Bethenny to arrange a meeting to “clear the air” between them, where she arrived late to, of course. She then proceeded to rail against Bethenny telling her “I’m up here and you’re down here” she demonstrated with her hands showing herself up high and Bethenny down low. I thought Bethenny would fall out of her seat! Like it was high school. Kelly sounded like an idiot. Then later when confronted she denied saying it as if Bethenny made it all up. She told Bethenny she was making it up. What??? It was all caught on film!

See what I mean? Kelly is either retarded or high and cannot recall her actions. When you are filming and everything you are doing is caught on film then you are on film denying it, you look stupid. But seriously, Bravo needs to demand weekly drug tests on her if they expect her back next season. This season Kelly made Britney Spears look sane. I cannot believe in all of New York City there was not a better more believable woman to have on the show than Kelly. Adam please look harder to find someone who fits in a little better. Or at least, someone who does not appear to be on drugs!

Oh Wow, this is going to be something else, the newest offer from Bravo is The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The ladies certainly ain’t those goofballs from The Housewives of the OC. These are some tough talking ass-kicking broads. Bravo has given us a 30 minute teaser on the new show, to air in May, and I can’t wait. I love their realistic family loyality and how it portrays that wives are no shrinking violets that sit around all day comparing the size of their boobs and trying to outdo one another in their rich husband collections. I think The Jersey Girls are going to be the final installment in the TV world of Housewifery. What’s left? The Real housewives of Las Vegas? Get real! Besides in this economy who wants to watch a bunch of other women buy diamonds while we all are struggling to put food on the table? Why doesn’t Bravo do a true reality show called The Real Housewives of Tropicana Trailer Park? Now that is something we would all watch!

I would like to give a shout out to Quinn Fry who was on season 3 of The Real Housewives of Orange County. She is on Twitter and I would like to see her tweet a whole lot more than she does. Quinn was and still remains one of the nicest housewives ever on the show and they treated her like crap. That’s what happens when you are mature and well adjusted. The Bitches can’t hang! So Quinn do us all a favor get to Tweeting right away!!!

Well the Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Show was such a let down for me this year. The only bright spot was when they bright Lauri Peterson out for a brief update on her life. The way Tamra and Vicki acted during this season I cannot blame Lauri for wanting out of the show. Just because a new girl, Gretchen, joined the show they were acting like jealous ninth graders. I have lost so much respect for these women.

Tamra loves to fool herself by saying she is the prettiest housewife in the OC. Wrong! Tamra has two faces and the other one that shows itself way too often is not pretty at all. In fact, it is a very ugly thing to have to see. So they cancel one another out and she is not anything to admire. Tamra must have dropped out of school early because her behavior has not progressed much past her sophomore year. Jealously is not called the green eyed monster for no reason. And we all had to sit through that this season. Plus having to admit my husband suggested I take etiquette classes to learn how to properly hold my knife and fork at the age of 40!! Again, I say she must think like a 14 year old. And if I have to hear her whine about her parent’s divorce one more time….girl give it up. One would think you were 5 when they divorced not 25. By the age of 25 life should have prepared you for disappointments by giving you some coping skills. But that would have involved some maturity. And that was short of supply this season.

Vicki is trailer park with money. Reminds me of the campaign slogan about a pig and lipstick. After all the designer clothes and diamonds it is still, after all, just a pig! When she yells out a drunken “Whoo Hoo” I am reminded of all the idiots I have heard at every concert yelling that right after they yell “play Free Bird!” She fits right in. Her insecurity is very closely related to Tamra’s. She begs her mom to say to her “I love you” and her other family members as well, displaying her desperation for attention and validation. Her sense of desperation and neediness is like a dark cloud that follows her every move. Poor Donn! He has the patience of Job and the love of gold like Minus. Nothing else explains why he sticks around. Unless he has a swine fetish. Vicki, every night thank the Gods that you have a very successful business or else you very probably would be a lonely redneck with bad skin. Karma says you have never dealt out enough graciousness to reap much from others.

Jeana is such a sweet and easy going person. But she too needs to take control of her world. She lived with a man who raised his sons to have no respect for women. How so? Look at how her sons talk to her! Trust me they will talk that way, and much worse to lovers. She failed to raise her sons to respect women the proper way and allowed them to speak to her, and her friends, remember Tammy, in very disgusting ways. But at least Jeana doesn’t disrespect herself by hanging all over her friend’s husbands with a drink in hand trash talking about how her “girls” want to come out and play! Very low class. I mean, very no class! Jeana does have some class and she comports herself with some style. I wish her luck in her future dating.

Gretchen was a new addition this season and this is what brought out the true colors of some of the other ladies. Gretchen, from her first appearance on the show was, and is, breath-takingly beautiful. Her looks out shown anyone one the show and this was the problem. Also that she was dating a much older and terminally ill man. (Who has since passed away) He indulged and spoiled her with gifts and this too did not set well with some of the girls. Her actions came under much criticism from Tamra & Vicki (as if they have room to talk) which only served to make them look like bitches, while Gretchen happily went about her life. She basically ignored them. Good call!

Lynn was new this season too. Personally I liked Lynn. The others Bitches on the show made a lot of fun of her as if she was stoned all the time but I didn’t get that vibe from her. She was just her own person and went about life in her own way, much like Gretchen, only quieter. She has a calm and soothing demeaner about her. Her two teenagers had more maturity than some of the main players. Well, at least they were cuter.

So who will be back next season? Probably not Lynn. She was too normal and laid back. Not psychotic enough. Gretchen may not be because she was simply way too gorgeous for the other housewives.And now being single….she is way too dangerous. So it looks like all we have left to watch is Lonely Jeana, Bitchy Vicki, and Trampy Tamra! That is a given. Maybe it’s time to give this show a decent burial?

I became a fan of The Real Housewives of Orange County the moment it debuted on The Bravo Channel. I just loved all the extravagant lives and beautiful homes, clothes, jewelry, and socializing! Just about everything a southern girl adores from the moment she is born. Then came along The Real Housewives of New York City and I just loved it too. This show had all the same glamour of OC but with more sophistication. Next came along The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Finally, some southern drama was injected into the Housewifery world. Week after week I sat here enthralled every Tuesday night with all the carrying on behind the glamorous gated communities.

I have long dreamed of a Real Housewives of Nashville. But knowing that by the time that one occurs I will be long dead I have decided to have a minisculed version of my own Housewife Show on BlogTalkRadio.com called The Real Southern Housewives. I am the host Carole Anne and I have a co-host, my friend, Nancy Anne. We are two real southern housewives who share our real daily lives every Thursday night at 7:00 pm CST. We also try to make all our “guest” add the Anne to their name as well. Nancy and I like the uniformity. Most of the Housewife shows have a thread of commonality… on the OC most of the women are blonde, on NYC most the women are brunettes, and on Atlanta most are African-American. So we are all named Anne!
I know it’s not much but for the radio it works!

So tune into BlogTalkRadio.com at 7:00 pm CST every Thursday night and see just what the real deal has to say about the Ladies on Bravo.

Bye Y’all

I am a freelance writer living in Tennessee with my husband, two dogs, and three cats. My life has had it’s ups and downs but through it all I have laughed, loved, and partied my way around most of the world. All in all, not a bed way to go.